Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Do I want to dress like Kate Middleton?

Do I wish to dress like Kate Middleton? A style site that I like recently suggested I should, however I’m not encouraged.

Paula, north-east London

Thank you, Paula, for sending me the link to the abovementioned style site, because reading its little promo has now offered me insight into exactly what a lobotomy would feel like without the benefit of pain relief.

Kate the Great! We’ve been following Kate Middleton s current social engagements with eager interest and were seriously pleased. The royal treatment here being that I pay thousands of pounds for clothes that Kate gets for totally free because of who she married.

Yes, taking apart what is essentially a fashion advert does have the unique tang of getting a barrel and taking an AK-47 to the fish inside. However, in some cases this can reveal something more than fish digestive tracts. I’d truly want to call time on this concept that Kate Middleton must be a fashion icon because her late mother-in-law was. She shouldn’t. Whatever guff people say about the Queen; style is not exactly what the royals are here for. To be honest, I’m not sure exactly what they are here for, however that’s because I’m an apostate from the colonies who has only lived here for 25 years, so what do I know?

What I do know, however, is that attempting to claim the British royals are fashionable is like going to the movie theater and anticipating to be able to buy a roast chicken. It’s certainly not a provided and specifically not here. Let s stop demanding our cinemas sell roast chicken, OK?

Here’s my next concern (I’m in a horrible mood today, folks, so brace yourselves, this is going to be a rough trip. Consider this my Peter Finch in Network minute.) I’m simply too old and too bored to have any truck any more with the concept that a celeb ought to be praised for their style sense when all of us know the only sense they have is working with a stylist who finds clothing for them and literally puts them on for them. That is how difficult these individuals find the act of getting dressed. Well done, Nicole Kidman, for working with a stylist who called Alexander McQueen’s Public Relations and borrowed a dress for you! All of us understand this, right? No one thinks Julianne Moore goes to Harvey Nichols prior to the Oscars and in some way has some magical eye that enables her to find the ideal dress that none of us bought because we’re too stupid and hectic liking images of salad on Instagram?

In short, no, I put on t desire to dress the method Kate Middleton’s stylist dresses her and nor ought to you, Paula. Even Kate is, probably.

If someone has really certainly had cosmetic surgery, should you acknowledge it or not?

Geoffrey, by email

It’s a difficult one, I grant you, Geoffrey. Easy: Let’s get it out of the way: Ren e Zellweger looks perfectly regular to me, the interview begins. She doesn’t look like she s had anything done, however if she has, GOOD FOR HER.

Here’s my tuppence on the matter: no one should be evaluated, negatively or favorably, for doing whatever they want to their body. Now I’m not saying Zellweger has had work or not, however I do think all of our lives would be marvelously improved if she began splitting jokes about pubic facial hair in Vogue.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Monday, March 10, 2014

Tuesday, March 4, 2014